Tuesday 27th of April.

I have found someone and i'm quite happy now not fully but who ever is? I am still having troubles at home hence why i am staying at a mates tonight. my best mate. She has always been there when i have despreatley needed someone.

This guy i am now with he is someone that is too hard to describe because there is just to much to say. He makes me smile just by being there i've never been this happy before.

Holidays

Holidays SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday 23th March

Today i was late for school. I didnt mean to miss the bus, but i did. I'm having trouble catching up with my school work from these couple of days that I've missed, skipped and not concentrated in. In some of my classes I am doing okay like my Geography yr 12 and Music.

I don't always get what people see in me. Some say I am funny or have a great personality all i see is a normal human being. Some times my friends reveal what hey really think, but others do not. even so some people seem to see me in a way i do not.... I am not attractive, I am not smart and I am not in any way special.

I like being single a his moment in time (no offense to the guys who are looking). I don't need anyone special i just need my skater mates. The guys, we hang, we play video games and we skate. I couldn't be any happier even with this fight at the moment. It's more of a misunderstanding from what I can tell, nothing but rumors and lies.

I do not want people to feel sorry when i say everything to my friends i jus want you to understand. I do not want o be the cenre of attention either. Sometimes i'm misunderstood and feel alone... I never say tha my problems are more imporan but jus like you i need to speak aloud. I'm sorry if thats how some of you feel that i think mine are more important, but i just need just like you....

Monday 15th March 2010

About an hour ago now i just got kicked out of my house...

I am not wanted in my family except for my money so i have officially been kicked out. I am now at a mates writing this post...

I have officially screwed up my life. Me and one of my best mates had a thing going on today. I felt so wrong it was awkward kissing one of the few people i could trust and for some reason i couldn't stop myself. I lost all control of my body and just froze in place, but yet i had the ability to still feel his warmth. *Shivers*. Am i turning into someone i always never wanted to be?

Grr he drives me insane that kid, seriously LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE!!! You don't just up and quite work 1min and a half BEFORE your shift. How fucking dumb can you get? And seriously your excuse is because you never spend time with your girlfriend? DUMP HER! she clings to you so you don't have the littlest bit of times for your friends? Are they not important to you anymore? Honestly you need to have a good hard think about this.

My head is spinning, my heart is pounding. I'm unsure of life itself these days. My friends tell stories and keep secrets from me. School is over bored and i'm going insane. Family never understands what my needs are and work is the BEST!

I don't know when i will post again, but hopefully things become clearer in that time.

Friday 12th 2010

Today has only just started and i was already in tears....

Last night i got in a disagreement with my ex boyfriend and got asked out by my next door neighbour using his name. I'm not coping well at the moment and i know it. i had a go at one of my friends last night because i had no idea why i was telling him everything that was going wrong. What kind of person am i turning into?? I feel so bad not knowing what to do anymore... no one really has any idea how messed up i feel... If i could wonder around town till things cleared up i wouldn't be going home...

My parents last night decided to tell me how to live my life.. It's MY LIFE!!! No one tells me who my friends can and can't be and no one uses me as their little tool for what they want. I am so over it...

Grr i could seriously just go on for ages but class almost finishes soon... I will post again later. Hopefully things turn out better then before.

Thursday 11th March 2010

Today was SHIT!!!!!

For starters the car broke just yesterday so know i have to pay for it when it aint even my fault. I'm only 16 what more could you wan't from me you take my pay, my time, and now my life!! I'm so sick of it, I tried running but that doesnt work niether does time with friends because they always manage to ruin it. I might now have to quit work and school, throw my life away for my parents. My friends are no hope half the time they give me advice which is good if i wanted to leave my brother and sisters behind. I was holding on to a whole packet of panadol wondering if i should take the whole lot and fall sleep for ever. I feel like my life means nothing. My friends say they would never want me to leave but sometimes i wonder if theree better off without the selfish little bitch that I am. I mean what have I done for my friends? I feel so bad I shouldn't really talk to any of them...

Would they be better off without me?